Not every therapist is the right fit for every person. If you’re not clicking with your therapist, you have options. You can talk to them about what’s not working, try a few more sessions to see if things improve, or find a new therapist who’s a better match.

The relationship between you and your therapist matters more than almost anything else when it comes to whether therapy will help. If you dread going to sessions or leave feeling worse, something needs to change. But before you quit, it’s worth figuring out why you feel this way.

The first step is understanding what exactly bothers you. There’s a big difference between not liking your therapist’s personality and not feeling safe with them.

If your therapist keeps checking their phone during sessions, that’s completely unprofessional and you should find someone new immediately. You’re paying for their full attention, and looking at their phone tells you they don’t take your time seriously. Same goes for showing up late, ending sessions early, or seeming uninterested in what you’re saying. These aren’t things to work through. These are signs of a therapist who isn’t doing their job.

If they make comments that feel judgmental or dismissive, that’s also a serious problem. The whole point of therapy is having a safe space to be honest. A therapist who makes you feel bad about yourself is doing the opposite of what they’re supposed to do.

But if you just find their personality grating or you can’t get comfortable with them even though they’re professional and competent, that’s a different situation. It still means you probably need a different therapist, but for a different reason. Personality fit matters because it affects how much you’ll actually share and how much you’ll grow. If you can’t relax and be yourself with this person, therapy won’t work as well as it should.

If the issue isn’t something clearly unprofessional, it’s worth having a conversation before you leave.

Good therapists want to know when something isn’t working. They can adjust their approach or help you figure out if the issue is something deeper. You can say something like “I’m not sure this is working for me” or “I leave sessions feeling like we’re not connecting.”

A therapist who responds well to this kind of feedback is probably worth sticking with. A therapist who gets defensive or dismissive just confirmed you need to find someone else.

If you’re at a group practice and don’t feel comfortable having this conversation directly with your therapist, you can reach out to the practice owner instead. They can help you figure out next steps or match you with a different therapist at the same practice.

Sometimes the conversation itself becomes a turning point. Working through conflict with your therapist can actually strengthen your relationship and lead to better therapy.

Unless something clearly unprofessional is happening, give your therapist about three sessions after the initial intake before deciding to leave. First impressions aren’t always accurate, and therapy feels awkward for most people at the beginning.

That said, don’t force yourself to stay with someone who makes you feel unsafe or judged. Trust your gut. If something feels wrong, it probably is.

Switching therapists isn’t complicated. You don’t owe your therapist a detailed explanation, and you don’t need their permission to stop seeing them.

You can tell them you’ve decided to try a different approach. You can send an email if that feels easier than saying it in person. Or you can just schedule with someone new and let your old therapist know you won’t be continuing.

Most therapists understand that fit matters and won’t take it personally. A good therapist might even help you find someone who’s a better match.

Before you blame your therapist entirely, consider whether something else might be going on. Therapy can bring up difficult feelings. Sometimes you might feel angry or hurt not because your therapist did anything wrong, but because the work is hitting on something painful.

If you tend to push people away when they get too close, you might be doing the same thing with your therapist without realizing it. Bring it up and see what they say. Their response will tell you a lot about whether they’re the right person to help you.

If you’re looking for a new therapist, we offer free consultations so you can get a sense of whether we’re the right fit before committing to anything. We work with people from Graduate Hospital, Fishtown, Rittenhouse, the Main Line, and everywhere in between. Finding the right therapist sometimes takes more than one try, and that’s completely normal.

We provide in-person therapy in Philadelphia and Haddonfield, with online sessions available throughout Pennsylvania and New Jersey.

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